I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
