Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
