We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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