i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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