Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
