watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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