i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
