Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
