I think my fart just growled at me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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