I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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