I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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