she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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