Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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