Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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