just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
