listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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