I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
