Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
