its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
