if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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