I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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