and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
