may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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