Four minutes until I can fart!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
