My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
