Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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