i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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