wakey wakey hands off snakey
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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