i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
