I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
