you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
why is half of my head shaved?
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