Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
