I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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