Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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