My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
