someone threw a dead crab at me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
