I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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