dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
