He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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