one two three fourrrrnication!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
