If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
