then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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