I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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