well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
