she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
