Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
