I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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