So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
