people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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