You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
