and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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