Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
