So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
