Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
