this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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