quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
