dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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