I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
