I just pynch a tree in the face
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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