It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
