i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Everything about him screamed your future.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I want a musical about memes.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
