I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
smell my finger.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
