just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
NoShamevember. You game?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
