Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
