thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
