Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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