i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
