when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
