im six kinds of drunk right now
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
