i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
