Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
