you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
