I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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