Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The beer is more important than you right now.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
