this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
