you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize